Approximately 46 seconds after LT and I finished putting kidlet's new swing set together and approximately 12 seconds after the photo to the left was taken, kidlet sustained her first swingset-related injury. Baby's first black eye. There are no photos of the carnage to post because the last thing LT and I need is photographic evidence of our parental ineptitude. Neither of us saw the injury actually occur, because I was busy lighting my crack pipe, and LT was distracted by the random stranger she was having sex with. I heard kidlet crying and nonchalantly strolled over to the back of the little "clubhouse" part of the swingset to find kidlet sitting on the ground at the bottom of the steps with her hand over her right eye. "I go boom!", she wailed. I took her hand away from her eye to find a red bump just below her eye (and was relieved to find her eyeball still firmly in place in its customary location) and said "Do you want Mama to kiss it better?". Kidlet nodded, I gave her a big, goopy kiss, and all was right with the Universe. I demonstrated proper step-climbing technique, and kidlet spent another half hour happily playing on the slide.
I had completely forgotten kidlet's "bump" (and also most of my nursing education) by the time dinner was over. By the time we put kidlet to bed, she had a dime-sized light purple bruise on her cheek, just below her eye. No biggie, I thought.
The next morning, kidlet woke me up calling "Mama, my cheeky hurts". Imagine my surprise upon seeing kidlet standing up in her crib with a black eye. "Whaa-", I stammered, "Oh my God. Who punched you in your poor little face?" Inside, I was screaming "Holy fuck! Someone snuck into the house last night and punched my kid in the face!" Then I remembered the swingset incident from the night before. I gave her a bunch of goopy kisses and apologized for being a poor excuse for a mother and a negligent nurse, and kidlet giggled her infectious little giggle and said "Silly Mama". When we arrived at daycare and her teacher looked at her and gasped, "Kidlet has a boo-boo! What happened?", kidlet replied "Silly Mama punched me in the face!"