A Typical Night With The Suburban Lesbian Family

The setting: A suburban lesbian kitchen.
Two Moms are puttering around, making dinner, cleaning up, etc.
An alarmingly verbal, adorable and polite child is sitting on the floor, paging through Hop On Pop. She speaks.

Kidlet: Mama, juice, please?
Mama: You want your juice before dinner?
Kidlet: Yes, please.
Mama: Okay [pours juice into a sippy cup and hands it to kidlet]
Kidlet: [reaching for juice] Thank you.
Mama: You're wel--
[Mama voice is suddenly drowned out by a screaming Kidlet, who has dropped her sippy cup as of it were hot, and has thrown herself on the floor in a pose of abject misery]
Mommy: [turns away from the sink to see kidlet in meltdown mode] What the...?
Mama: Kidlet, what's the matter?
Kidlet: [begins rolling from side to side, screaming and sobbing] Juice is cold! Warm juice!
[Mama and Mommy exchange looks of complete confusion. They do not comprehend what is being asked of them.]
Mommy: Kidlet, what's wrong?
Kidlet: [wails] Warm kidlet's juice!
Mama: [turns back to the stove to continue cooking dinner] Whatever, kid. Drink your juice. Get a grip on yourself.
Mommy: [Puts sippy cup in the microwave for 10 seconds. Hands it back to kidlet, who has been calmly awaiting the microwave beep.]
Kidlet: [Takes juice and takes a sip. Throws cup down in disgust and begins sobbing, screaming, and rolling on the floor again.]
Mama: Now what?
Kidlet: Juice warm! Ice in kidlet's juice?
Mommy: [puts 2 ice cubes in kidlet's juice] Okay?
Kidlet: [takes juice, takes a sip, throws cup down, cycle begins anew]
Mommy: [to Mama] What do you suppose is wrong with that kid?
Mama: Um, Mommy, she's almost 2.
Mommy: [nodding} Oooohhh! Yes. Of course.

End scene.


Kelly O said...

HA! You've captured the 2-year-old experience perfectly.

(Stumbled over from ... well, a very twisted path while goofing off at work. Nice place you have here!)

Amy said...

kelly o-
Goofing off at work? Shame! I would never advocate or encourage such a thing (Note: I do 95% of my blogging at work). I am the Queen of Goofing Off While Pretending to be Busy. Bow down to me!

P.S. Welcome- thanks for stopping by.