Weekend Recap: The Horror!

I usually consider it a successful weekend when I manage to go one of the 2 days without showering. Not having plans or somewhere to be leaves nice, long stretches of time for important activities like napping and eating ice cream and working on the craft project o' the moment (currently: a crocheted baby blanket and preshus little matching sweater).

Our friends Sue and Babs were coming for dinner Saturday evening, so LT and I spent Friday evening and most of Saturday morning frantically scrubbing our house from top to bottom. This is what happens when we have company. We don't clean the non-kitchen and non-bathroom parts of our house on a regular basis, so when it's time to have actual people in our living room, we freak. The cat-hair tubbleweeds get vacuumed up, the dining room table is located under the rubble, the dog hair is vacuumed off the couch, and weeks worth of junk mail is swept from the kitchen counters. Sometimes we dust.

Then the cooking begins. (Grocery shopping, cooking, and all things kitchen-related are my "area". LT does a mean load of laundry and always folds my T-shirts so they don't wrinkle. She also deals with all things yard-related. It's a good system). This particular weekend, I had decided that I wasn't going to spend all day in the kitchen, because I need to conserve my energy for next weekend's Mothers' Day Dinner Extravaganza of Yumminess and Excess Desserts. I decided, sensibly, on teriyaki-marinated flank steak, corn on the cob, roasted asparagus, mashed potatoes and yummy sourdough bread. Simple! Quick! Everyone likes! Well. Then the phone rang. It was Sue, calling to confirm a time for them to show up. We decided on 5:00. Plenty of time for wine, homemade onion dip, and conversation before I casually ran out to the grill to quickly cook the steak. No problem. Then Sue casually tells me that she's just been diagnosed with diabetes. So she's not eating bread, potatoes, or sugar. Mmmkay. Well, there's still the steak, asparagus and corn. I had completely forgotten about dessert anyway. Okay, well, no one ever leaves my house hungry, so no problem.

Fast forward to 5:00. Sue and Babs arrive.
LT: "Hi! Welcome! Nice to see you guys!"
Sue & Babs: "Hi!" (they are holding a cooler)
Me: "....."
LT: (spots cooler) "What's this?"
Sue: "Well, I'm not eating carbs, and Babs isn't eating red meat, butter, dairy or carbs, so we brought our dinner"
LT: "....."
Sue: "It's chicken. And green beans"
LT: (looks at me, horrified) "Mmmm... okay"
Me: "Wine! Who wants wine!?"
Sue: "Oh. We're also not drinking alcohol".
LT & Me, simultaneously: (freaking out!) "Okay. Um..."
Babs: (hands me a bottle of Pelligrino) "We'll have this"
Me: "Okay. Have a seat in the [newly vacuumed. Oh my god I can't believe this is happening] living room".
Sue & Babs: (go into the next room)
Me: (trying to be a gracious host. Pour drinks. Wine for me! Yummy!)
(Bring drinks into the living room).
Babs: "Do you have any lime? I like lime in my water".
Me: (not screaming) "I dunno. Let me check" (runs from room. Locates and slices elderly looking lime. All 10 fingers still attached, despite trembling and thick, tough lime skin. Yay!)
Babs: "Excellent. Thanks so much".
LT: (sets out onion dip and chips on the coffee table)
Sue & Babs: (recoil in horror) "Oh no! No. Thank you, but no. Don't even bring it near me".
Me: (need more wine)

Mercifully, the grandfolks arrived shortly thereafter to drop off the kidlet, and we were all distracted by her adorableness for a while. I went outside to put the steaks on the grill. Sue called out from the living room "The chicken is all set, just put it on the grill with the steak". I am (again) horrified, but set to work cooking 2 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MEALS. As I am taking the green beans out of the microwave, I manage to DROP THEM ALL ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR! I begin to hyperventilate, then begin to giggle. LT comes into the kitchen to help, sees me frantically scooping green beans off the floor, and also begins to laugh hysterically. Green beans are rinsed, dinners are served. Much wine is consumed.

I spend Sunday in bed, sleeping off the wine and the horror.

THE END